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Global warming unthaws warrior mermaids and mermen frozen during last ice age

By: Dr. Jeff Masters, 12:49 PM GMT on April 01, 2010

Global warming has unthawed an entire race of warrior mermen and mermaids in the Arctic, scientists revealed today. At a packed press conference in Boulder, Colorado, Dr. Mark Xyzzy of the National Institute for Cryosphere Exploration and Tertiary Research on Yetis (NICETRY) revealed the details of the discovery: "We've been operating robot research submarines under the sea ice in the Chukchi Sea north of Barrow, Alaska this winter, as part of International Geophysical Year studies on the dynamics of arctic sea ice loss," commented Dr. Xyzzy. "Last week, one of our submersibles caught a remarkable video of a warrior mermaid, armed with a trident, riding past the submarine on the back of a narwhal. We were able to track the mermaid to her home--an underwater merfolk city at the bottom of the Chukchi Sea. The city had been thawed out in 2005 by warm water currents invading the Arctic due to global warming. These mermaids and mermen had been frozen into the underwater permafrost since the onset of the last ice age, 115,000 years ago. We undertook immediate efforts to establish communications with the merfolk, by sending in divers with underwater writing boards who were able to work out a simple symbol-based language. We learned that the Chukchi Sea merfolk are at war with a tribe of rival merfolk in the Greenland Sea. The two tribes have been fighting a heated underwater battle for dominance of the Arctic Ocean ever since global warming thawed out both tribes in 2005. It is the explosions from their undersea battles that have been the dominant cause of arctic sea ice loss since 2005, not global warming, as had been previously assumed. A team of experienced United Nations negotiators is now in the Arctic, attempting to broker a truce between the rivals and save the arctic sea ice from further destruction."


Figure 1. Merfolk negotiator Urgok Nzgradborkan and an exhausted U.N. diplomat take a break after a grueling all-night round of peace talks.

Critics of climate change science immediately pounced upon the news to unleash a new barrage of criticism against the National Intergovernmental and Territorial Panel to Investigate Climate Change (NITPICC). "The computer climate models used by the NITPICC utterly failed to anticipate the record loss of arctic sea ice due to underwater explosions from merfolk battles," commented spokesman Markoff Chaney of the Very Competitive Free Enterprise Institute. The Institute maintains of staff of top-notch scientists who swear that their funding from the fossil fuel industry does not affect the objectivity of their science. "This new "mermaid-gate" scandal proves that we can't trust climate models to say diddly-squat that's right about global warming, nah-nah-na-nah-nah!" taunted Chaney.

The head of NITPICC, Dr. R. J. Donteventrytopronouncemylastname, conceded that his organization had some work to do. "We're working very hard to incorporate the effect of underwater explosions from merfolk sea battles into the NITPICC models," said Dr. Donteventrytopronouncemylastname. "We've also begun to explore the impacts on sea ice should other denizens of the Arctic unthaw. For instance, the possibility exists that plesiosaurs from the time of the dinosaurs may be frozen in the underwater arctic permafrost. Should global warming thaw out these great leviathans of the deep, the turbulence from their swimming motions could cause significant cracking and breakup of the sea ice. We now have a new plesiosaur parameterization module built into our top models to account for this possibility."

Dr. Xyzzy of NICETRY commented, "I applaud NITPICC's efforts to incorporate their Underwater Merfolk Battle Module and Plesiosaur Parameterization Module into the climate models. However, I caution that they might also need to build modules to simulate the effects of astrology, thermography, ice-nine, and the warming effect of hot air coming out of Washington politicians, before critics of the NITPICC models will be satisfied."

April Fools!

Internet radio appearance today
I'll be appearing with San Francisco-based wunderground meteorologists Shaun Tanner and Tim Roche on The Daily Downpour Internet radio show at 4:20 pm EDT today, to talk about weather, hurricanes, and climate change. There will not be the opportunity to call in today. No foolin'!

Jeff Masters

Humor

The views of the author are his/her own and do not necessarily represent the position of The Weather Company or its parent, IBM.

Reader Comments

Quoting Levi32:


That's one of the worst places to have the trough as it both helps ventilate the western Caribbean and favors U.S. landfalls along the eastern gulf coast, Florida, and the SE coast.


Yup. And as bad as it seems this solution seems more reasonable than some of the other CFS runs considering the analog years.
Quoting stormwatcherCI:
This is a regular occurrence in that area.

any reason why?
Quoting AussieStorm:

any reason why?


There's a fault line running through the area.
Quoting StormChaser81:


There's a fault line running through the area.

So i'm guessing its a rather active fault. is there any Volcano's above or below sea?

URGENT - IMMEDIATE BROADCAST REQUESTED
SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WATCH NUMBER 43
NWS STORM PREDICTION CENTER NORMAN OK
1025 AM CDT FRI APR 2 2010

THE NWS STORM PREDICTION CENTER HAS ISSUED A
SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WATCH FOR PORTIONS OF

SOUTH CENTRAL IOWA
NORTH CENTRAL MISSOURI

EFFECTIVE THIS FRIDAY MORNING AND AFTERNOON FROM 1025 AM UNTIL
300 PM CDT.

HAIL TO 1 INCH IN DIAMETER...THUNDERSTORM WIND GUSTS TO 80
MPH...AND DANGEROUS LIGHTNING ARE POSSIBLE IN THESE AREAS.

THE SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WATCH AREA IS APPROXIMATELY ALONG AND 45
STATUTE MILES EAST AND WEST OF A LINE FROM 60 MILES NORTH
NORTHWEST OF KIRKSVILLE MISSOURI TO 60 MILES SOUTH SOUTHEAST OF
CHILLICOTHE MISSOURI. FOR A COMPLETE DEPICTION OF THE WATCH SEE
THE ASSOCIATED WATCH OUTLINE UPDATE (WOUS64 KWNS WOU3).

REMEMBER...A SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WATCH MEANS CONDITIONS ARE
FAVORABLE FOR SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS IN AND CLOSE TO THE WATCH
AREA. PERSONS IN THESE AREAS SHOULD BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR
THREATENING WEATHER CONDITIONS AND LISTEN FOR LATER STATEMENTS
AND POSSIBLE WARNINGS. SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS CAN AND OCCASIONALLY
DO PRODUCE TORNADOES.

DISCUSSION...LINE OF INTENSE THUNDERSTORMS OVER NORTHWEST MO WILL
PERSIST FOR ANOTHER FEW HOURS WITH A CONTINUED RISK OF DAMAGING
WINDS. INSTABILITY PARAMETERS ARE QUITE WEAK AHEAD OF THE
LINE...BUT VERY STRONG LARGE SCALE FORCING ASSOCIATED WITH MESOSCALE
CONVECTIVE COMPLEX MAY MAINTAIN INTENSITY SOME DISTANCE EAST OF
INSTABILITY AXIS.

AVIATION...A FEW SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS WITH HAIL SURFACE AND ALOFT
TO 1 INCH. EXTREME TURBULENCE AND SURFACE WIND GUSTS TO 70 KNOTS.
A FEW CUMULONIMBI WITH MAXIMUM TOPS TO 450. MEAN STORM MOTION
VECTOR 25040.


...HART
I'm also watching the PNA this year....as it has been positive all winter which was expected due to the El Nino, but most of the analog years saw a positive PNA through the summer despite a reversing El Nino, and when you get a cold PDO combined with a positive PNA, things can get ugly.

These graphics illustrate why a positive PNA is bad compared to a negative PNA. In a negative PNA you do get blocking over SE Canada during the summer, but it also favors troughing in the central Atlantic, which recurves a lot of storms.

A positive PNA, on the other hand, favors more ridging across the central Atlantic, with a weakness along the eastern seaboard. This tends to direct more storms towards the U.S. coast. It also directs more and stronger storms into the Caribbean and Gulf of Mexico. You can see this in the two images by looking for dark red tracks (major hurricanes, Cat 3 or higher).

Hurricane Tracks during Negative PNA years:



Hurricane Tracks during Positive PNA years:

Quoting AussieStorm:

So i'm guessing its a rather active fault. is there any Volcano's above or below sea?


If you think about it every fault is active, there always moving, this one might have just hit a little tension to cause the minor quakes.
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