wanzewurld's WunderBlog

A (mostly true) funny story I wrote about Mother's cat, Katt - Comments appreciated!

By: wanzewurld, 1:17 AM GMT on November 29, 2012

Mother had a stray cat show up at her back door some years back and, despite being feral but somehow in need of human connection, it would stare at her through the sliding glass patio door until she finally threw it some scraps, out of pity, after seeing it perched there for several days in a row. That was probably the wrong thing to do but a cat does do a pretty good job of catching varmints and this one did seem to suit her view of an ideal animal, showing no inclination of wanting to be petted or even approached.

This went on over the intervening years and Mother finally broke down and bought some cat food for the scraggly-looking animal and put a small can out almost every day. It was quite a while before I laid eyes on the beast and it managed to keep about 20 yards between us, despite me calling it and attempting to coax it nearer.

Like I said, this started at least 2 years ago and I once touched it after Mother set out its food and went inside while I remained out of sight. It started eating and I reached down and gently touched it; well, it took about 2 seconds for it to realize my hand was on its haunches and it took off like a shot although eventually it would remain by Mother's feet as she put out its food. None of us could ever get close enough to tell if it was male or female but, as I'd heard as a child, "Two cats get in a fight and the loser has kittens!"

About a month ago as Mother was putting out the food, Katt, as it had become called, suddenly stuck claws into her pants leg and that's when she decided she was genuinely tired of the animal and its cantankerous ways! Actually, she didn't really like the cat, now well-fed and fairly handsome, from the beginning and kept trying to get someone to trap it and take it to the animal shelter. The trap would spring but Katt always managed to escape before the latch engaged so she just kept feeding it out of pity and Christian charity.

My brother came to visit a couple of days ago and brought a genuine TRAP that he guaranteed us the animal would not escape if it entered. It was, indeed, different from the traps we'd tried; for one thing it was longer with the trap trigger set further from the trapdoor and the spring loading on the contraption was impressive. He left after an overnight visit and the trap had sprung once but nothing was inside. I told him he wasn't dealing with just any ordinary animal but he insisted it would capture Katt eventually.

Mother was getting ready to go an appointment with me in attendance and I stepped out the back door to see if I could get Stub, the wonder dog to pose for a photo but he knew what I wanted him to do and chances of that happening were right up there with Obama apologizing for doing such a crappy job thus far!!! Eventually, I looked over at the trap and there was Katt; it may have been in there when my brother left because of the great job he was doing of keeping quiet! He'd apparently just got his/her nose in the cat food and the door banged shut. He/she was much calmer than I ever imagined a caged cat would be - Especially that one - but I got the idea this wasn't his/her first rodeo either!

Well, it was still quite a while until our appointment so I loaded Katt up in her trunk and we drove out to the animal shelter to drop it off. I took it inside and one of the female inmate trustees started trying to open the cage while I was telling her that, despite appearances, the cat was really quite feral and probably wouldn't take to being handled.

They told Mother she'd have to fill out a form and that there was a 20 dollar drop-off fee; despite my query as to what that was for, Mother dutifully turned and went back to the car to get the reverse ransom as one of the female inmates prodded and poked at the cage trying to figure out how to open it while Katt remained calm, motionless, and silent. I watched her with a bit of fascination as she pushed, pulled, pried, prodded, and shook the trap trying to get inside and all the time Katt remained calm, silent and still. Finally I asked her if she wanted me to open the cage and she said, "Sure."

I looked at her for a few seconds and asked her in a serious tone, "Are you really sure about that, now?"


She said that with a bit too much indignation and agitation to suit me but this was her domain so who was I to argue? You know me, I'll help anybody out, spread joy where I can and stir up fragrant fecal matter where I can't.

"Okay,if you're sure." I said, released the lock and oened the door as gently and quietly as I could. By this time, Katt had it's rump to the trapdoor and continued nibbling out of the can of cat food, having begun eating more of the bait on the drive over and looking for all the world like a beautiful, sleek, well-fed, tame, pet kitty-cat.

So she touched Katt's rump gently and that's when the fecal matter hit the ventilation system!

That damned cat came out of that cage so fast it surprised even me, and I suspected that was exactly what was going to happen! It made about 14 laps around the 5 or so rooms that made up the animal shelter, bounding over chairs, desks, tables, and file cabinets, and generally kept a wall always against its right shoulder as I watched with a slightly amused smile and called out in a voice I made certain was loud enough for anyone in the building to hear, "Now, that one's on YOU!!!!"

They either didn't hear me, ignored me, or were too busy alternating between dodging and attempting to trap the well-fed and mercurial hairy beast and seemingly didn't hear me telling them to close doors as I grasped my aching side, almost down on my knees and giddy with laughter by now - I mean, it really was funny!!

Well, I saw the fabulously funny furry fastly fleeing feline fly through the large reception area a few times and even thought about trying to catch it before I caught myself and took a reality check, besides, I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen something that funny happening to someone besides me - without having to pay for it, that is! There were about 4 or 5 inmates and/or assigned personnel there and it reminded me of monkeys and footballs as they tried to lay hands on that animal with its supercharger and afterburner both kicked in, climbing gear fully engaged, and fully determined not to be touched while showing no sign of fatigue, fear, or plan formulation as it made lap after lap around the inside of the building with them grabbing where it had been a couple of seconds before while dodging where it was going! Tears of laughter were clouding my eyes, I was out of breath, and was wondering just who was going to wind up in the net I now saw one of them wielding like a broadsword with wild, slashing sweeps in the air and getting it caught up as she tried to change rooms. Then I saw the outside door open benind me and the vague shape of someone entering. I tried to catch enough breath to tell the woman I now recognized as Mother walking in to close the door because I was fairly certain the show wasn't over yet by a long shot but Katt was out like a shot leaving Mother trying to alternately catch her balance and run in place emitting small squeaks and squeals that I wasn't sure were laughter or fright!!

The chase moved outdoors but I told them the only thing that was going to catch that animal was going to have to be moving out of the barrel of a gun, whether lethal or sedative as Katt attacked the 8-foot chain link fence in several places before deciding it wasn't going to give, move or open; that's when I really regretted my decision to leave Stub, the wonder dog out at Mother's place and that's also about the time Katt spotted a couple of well-placed boxes forming a makeshift staircase, bounded on first one then another, and finally negotiated a triple-strand of razor wire strung across the top and on to freedom in the piney woods around the airport!

They asked for the money and I did a double take and asked, "For what?" but everyone, Mother included, ignored me and I was still too weak from laughing to press the point. Hell, they didn't even have anything to spend it on anymore! Katt was gone but they said they'd catch her later - Fat chance - I pointed that out as well but realized I was arguing against City Policy, convicts, and Mother, who was only too happy to contribute to our local animal shelter. Man, I'd already had 20 bucks worth of fun right there - and more. Somewhere along the line I heard Mother tell them she'd called them more than once - I'm not sure how many times - about catching the critter. She didn't seem too put out about it though so I sucked it up and decided that was her business and anything I'd say to the contrary would simply spoil the moment for me.

They did, however, waive the paperwork... Imagine that! I wonder if they really put the money in the funds or split it up between them because the cause of the fee had disappeared but I suppose that's their business; like I said, I'd got 20 dollars worth of good, clean, solid entertainment out of it.


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About wanzewurld

Retired electrician and construction manager, I love: photography, astronomy, writing, good jokes and pranks, watching weather, Stub, the wonder dog!!m@

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