This is a blog for "people". You're not defined by your latest & greatest. You are you and that's great enough.
By: ricderr , 9:27 PM GMT on February 06, 2014
I'm letting Jessica take over my blog today. Well not really. She posted this on hers and I'm stealing it for mine. I hope you enjoy.
IS LOVE ALL YOU NEED?
Someone asked me this the other day. After failed marriages my typical answer that I firmly believed in was: NO, sometimes love isn’t enough. This time I sat and thought about what she asked. I questioned what is love? This is what I discovered…
When we meet someone we “feel” love. It is self contained, it is selfish in that it is an individual internal state, and is best described as a noun form of the word “love”. This is the typical infatuation stage where your heart jumps and your stomach ties in knots when you see the person and in turn we treat that person well to maintain our internal state…our selfish state of happiness. The other person does not experience our internal state, they do not feel the “love” we describe or feel when they are around. They experience what we are willing to give to maintain our internal feelings of happiness.
As the relationship grows and we get to know the other person things come up that cause us to be in a state of cognitive dissonance about the “feeling” of love. Now not only does this person bring us happiness but anger, disappointment, confusion, insecurity, and other feelings that cause us to weigh whether maintaining our internal state of happiness or “love” is worth the cost of coping with and getting through these other emotional experiences.
This is the point most relationships either end, a decision is made to accept the current way of being, or there’s a third option: To begin loving.
Now you ask, what is the difference between love and loving? “Love” as a noun described above is an internal selfish state. No one sees what you feel, no one feels what you feel, no one experiences what you call “love”. The word “Love” as a verb is described as an external act towards another. This type of “love” does not have to necessarily be driven by an internal state of “love” or feeling. It can be driven by a state of commitment or a desire to make the other person happy and therefore we feel fulfilled by the act of “loving”. This type of “love” as a verb is a very selfless act. Our relationship to our partner transitions from a very selfish to selfless type of exchange. GOD did not create us to be selfless creatures and therefore we struggle with maintaining this type of interaction, change or commitment. We are born with an innate desire or drive to do what make us feel good. Yet GOD asks of us to do give, to provide for others, and even to tithe with a “loving” heart that is fulfilled simply by the act of giving. This act creates “Love” in our heart through our own acts of free will.
So going back to the question, “Is love all we need?” GOD tells us that LOVE is the greatest gift we can give another. He doesn’t say it’s the greatest gift we can get from another, implying that in giving we are receiving “love” through our sacrifice to others or commitment to another. If in your marriage or relationship you are fulfilled by the act of “love” as a verb to your partner than YES it is all you need. It is personally fulfilling, it is meeting the needs of your partner materially and emotionally, leaving them in a state of desire to also “love” in return to maintain their internal state of “Love” and leaving you also having a desire to maintain your internal state of “love”.
So who creates this internal state of “love”? You do. Through your actions you create a symbiotic relationship that both “loves” and in turn creates “love”. One does not exist without the other. So the question, Is love all we need, becomes a complicated question with a very simple answer: Yes.
The views of the author are his/her own and do not necessarily represent the position of The Weather Company or its parent, IBM.
Comments will take a few seconds to appear.