Waiting for Spring - and it better hurry up!

By: fishless , 6:16 PM GMT on January 24, 2012

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Spring is just around the corner..around the corner...around the corner...

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176. RenoSoHill
7:02 PM GMT on February 26, 2012
Catch you on the next one.........
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
175. RenoSoHill
7:01 PM GMT on February 26, 2012
movin' forward to new blog
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
174. SVLover
12:24 AM GMT on February 26, 2012

Quoting Okiemom:
Gary, I'm smiling and very humbled! Thank you!
I'm with you, Sheila. Thank you Gary.
Member Since: October 29, 2006 Posts: 0 Comments: 3318
173. RenoSoHill
7:08 PM GMT on February 25, 2012
Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking,
"surely I Can't Look That Old." Well... You'll Love This One.

My Name Is Alice Smith And I Was Sitting In The Waiting Room For My First
Appointment With A New Dentist. I Noticed His Dds Diploma, Which Bore His
Full Name.

Suddenly, I Remembered A Tall, Handsome, Dark-haired Boy With The Same Name
“Had Been In My High School Class Some 40-odd Years Ago. Could He Be The Same
Guy That I Had A Secret Crush On, Way Back Then?” Upon Seeing Him, However, I
Quickly Discarded Any Such Thought.

This Balding, Gray-haired Man With The Deeply Lined Face Was Way Too Old To
have Been My Classmate. After He Examined My Teeth, I Asked Him If He Had
Attended Morgan Park High School

"yes. Yes, I Did. I'm A Mustang," He Gleamed With Pride.

"when Did You Graduate?" I Asked.

He Answered, "in 1959. Why Do You Ask?"

"you Were In My Class!", I Exclaimed.

He Looked At Me Closely. Then, That Ugly, Old, Bald Wrinkled, Fat, Gray,
Decrepit Son-of-a-….. Asked, "what Did You Teach?"
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
172. RenoSoHill
3:48 PM GMT on February 25, 2012
There IS a reason - even when WE don't understand! Amen
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
171. Okiemom
3:16 PM GMT on February 25, 2012
Gary, I'm smiling and very humbled! Thank you!
Member Since: May 31, 2010 Posts: 0 Comments: 5652
170. Railheel
3:11 PM GMT on February 25, 2012
Me (in a tizzy) : God, can I ask you something?


GOD: Sure.


Me: Promise you won't get mad?


GOD: I promise.


Me (frustrated): Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?


GOD: What do you mean?


Me: Well I woke up late,


GOD: Yes


Me: My car took forever to start,


GOD: Okay....


Me (growling): At lunch, they made my sandwich wrong and I had to wait


GOD: Hmmmm..


Me: On the way home, my phone went dead, just as I picked up a call


GOD: All right


Me (loudly): And to top it all off, when I got home, I just wanted to soak my feet in my foot massager and relax, but it wouldn't work. Nothing went right today! Why did you do that?


GOD: Well let me see..... the death angel was at your bed this morning and I had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.


Me (humbled): Oh...


GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that might have hit you if you were on the road


Me (ashamed): ............


GOD: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work


Me (embarrassed): Oh.....


GOD: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give a false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered


Me (softly): I see God


GOD: Oh and that foot massager, it had a short that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.


Me: I'm sorry God.


GOD: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust me.........in all things, the good and the bad


Me: I WILL trust you God


GOD: And don't doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your plan


Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, thank you for everything today.


GOD: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I love looking after my children.

Member Since: November 13, 2010 Posts: 0 Comments: 6620
169. RenoSoHill
5:59 PM GMT on February 24, 2012
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
168. Railheel
12:31 AM GMT on February 24, 2012
Good ones Don, Lori.
Member Since: November 13, 2010 Posts: 0 Comments: 6620
167. SVLover
6:32 PM GMT on February 23, 2012
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
Member Since: October 29, 2006 Posts: 0 Comments: 3318
166. MNTornado
2:54 AM GMT on February 23, 2012
A farmer from Mississippi got pulled over by a State Trooper in Tennessee for speeding.
The trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer feel uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problem with circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies."
So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."
The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
Member Since: July 1, 2005 Posts: 154 Comments: 19315
165. Railheel
2:13 AM GMT on February 23, 2012
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!
I've been divorced three times
Member Since: November 13, 2010 Posts: 0 Comments: 6620
164. Railheel
12:47 AM GMT on February 22, 2012
Good one Duane.
Member Since: November 13, 2010 Posts: 0 Comments: 6620
163. RenoSoHill
10:47 PM GMT on February 21, 2012
I probably shouldn't post this since I am probably the only person that happens on this blog that has a "Senior Moment" BUT just in case one of you happens to suffer from a short memory loss - you might find this conforting!
Link
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
162. SVLover
3:35 PM GMT on February 21, 2012
Quoting Railheel:
A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Stopping often to take a picture.


Oh - I love this Gary. We know SO many happy people, don't we?
Member Since: October 29, 2006 Posts: 0 Comments: 3318
161. RenoSoHill
3:11 PM GMT on February 21, 2012
That story made the papers here in Nevada - and to my knowledge it was never determined if it was true or not, but anything is possible with him. As with all elected officials if anyone with common sense would run against them, they would be gone! But then again why would anyone with common sense want to be a politician?
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
160. Railheel
1:51 PM GMT on February 21, 2012
Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California, was doing some personal work on her own family tree.. She discovered that Senator Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.


The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory:


On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.'


So Judy recently E-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.


Harry Reid:


Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:


" Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed ."

I have to admit this is not a true story, just sounded good. Railheel
Member Since: November 13, 2010 Posts: 0 Comments: 6620
159. Railheel
1:40 PM GMT on February 21, 2012
A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Stopping often to take a picture.
Member Since: November 13, 2010 Posts: 0 Comments: 6620
158. RenoSoHill
10:25 PM GMT on February 20, 2012
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
157. SVLover
3:17 PM GMT on February 20, 2012
Quoting RenoSoHill:
Didn't mean to scare everybody off with that one!


LOL - no kidding!
Member Since: October 29, 2006 Posts: 0 Comments: 3318
156. RenoSoHill
3:07 PM GMT on February 20, 2012
Didn't mean to scare everybody off with that one!
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
155. SVLover
3:29 PM GMT on February 19, 2012
Ugh!
Member Since: October 29, 2006 Posts: 0 Comments: 3318
154. gingyb
1:20 PM GMT on February 19, 2012
Oh Duane, so early in the morning to see such a thing, good reason to stay away from those places.
Member Since: June 28, 2009 Posts: 2 Comments: 1553
153. RenoSoHill
5:43 AM GMT on February 19, 2012
Want a reason to diet?

Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
152. SVLover
4:39 AM GMT on February 19, 2012
Quoting gingyb:
I guess not all of us went to Ga. Looks like they are getting some awesome Pics. Hope they have good weather


Oh I know. I ache to be there. :)
Member Since: October 29, 2006 Posts: 0 Comments: 3318
151. gingyb
12:18 AM GMT on February 19, 2012
I guess not all of us went to Ga. Looks like they are getting some awesome Pics. Hope they have good weather
Member Since: June 28, 2009 Posts: 2 Comments: 1553
150. SVLover
3:07 PM GMT on February 18, 2012
LOL - Leave it to a numbers guy to get down to the reality of all of our problems.
Member Since: October 29, 2006 Posts: 0 Comments: 3318
149. MNTornado
9:01 AM GMT on February 18, 2012
Actually Duane, I'm trying to get oxygen through the mask you sent me right now. I started laughing so hard I almost passed out, or was that a kidney stone?
Member Since: July 1, 2005 Posts: 154 Comments: 19315
148. RenoSoHill
3:31 AM GMT on February 18, 2012
... We are in trouble!!!

The
population of this country is 310 million.

160
million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the
work.

There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal
government.
Leaving 20 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied
with killing TERRORISTS
Which leaves 17.2
million to do the work.

Take from that total the 15.8
million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that
leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given
time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving
1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people
in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the
work.

You and me.
And there
you are,

Sitting on your butt,
At your computer, reading jokes . . ..

Nice! Real nice!
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
147. RenoSoHill
4:20 PM GMT on February 17, 2012
I know who would pick up the tab at the 19th hole
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
146. Railheel
11:40 AM GMT on February 17, 2012
What if you were playing in your club championship tournament finals and
the match was even at the end of 17 holes. You had the honor and hit your ball a
modest two
hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the
pin. Your
opponent then hits his ball, slicing it deep into the woods to the right of the
fairway. ****

Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for
his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your
opponent says: "Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in time,
I'll concede the match." ****

You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from
the pin.

About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from
deep in the woods:
"I found it!". The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club
striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green,
stopping no more
than six inches from the hole.
Now the real "what if" questions are:


What if you had your opponent's ball in your pocket? ****

What do you do then?



Member Since: November 13, 2010 Posts: 0 Comments: 6620
145. RenoSoHill
4:13 AM GMT on February 17, 2012
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
144. MNTornado
8:41 PM GMT on February 16, 2012
Not going to be very active today. Been feeling under the weather the last few days and yesterday started to run a fever. It peeked at 101.3 last night, but still maintaining at 100.5 even with the fever reducers.
Member Since: July 1, 2005 Posts: 154 Comments: 19315
143. RenoSoHill
4:46 PM GMT on February 16, 2012
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder blockthrough a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape...

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

Remember.... They walk among us, they can reproduce and they can vote.






Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
142. RenoSoHill
2:30 PM GMT on February 16, 2012
Promise on that one Gary?
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
141. Railheel
2:30 PM GMT on February 16, 2012
Quoting MNTornado:
ROFLMBO

That's one of the funniest stories I have ever read.


After staying up all night, I went to bed after getting a few shots of our morning sunrise. Then got up about noon and now after processing the photos and uploading them, I realized that it's almost 4:30pm. How time flies when you are having a good time. LOL
You are right Don that was funny.
Member Since: November 13, 2010 Posts: 0 Comments: 6620
140. Railheel
2:28 PM GMT on February 16, 2012
Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.


Member Since: November 13, 2010 Posts: 0 Comments: 6620
139. MNTornado
10:25 PM GMT on February 15, 2012
ROFLMBO

That's one of the funniest stories I have ever read.


After staying up all night, I went to bed after getting a few shots of our morning sunrise. Then got up about noon and now after processing the photos and uploading them, I realized that it's almost 4:30pm. How time flies when you are having a good time. LOL
Member Since: July 1, 2005 Posts: 154 Comments: 19315
138. RenoSoHill
9:25 PM GMT on February 15, 2012
Italian Tomato Garden:


An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,
Vinnie

Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
137. SVLover
4:09 PM GMT on February 15, 2012
Quoting Railheel:
Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?




As a person who is habitually early, I have noticed that! :)
Member Since: October 29, 2006 Posts: 0 Comments: 3318
136. RenoSoHill
4:03 PM GMT on February 15, 2012
Quoting Railheel:
Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?


Spoken with the voice of experience!
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
135. Railheel
2:43 PM GMT on February 15, 2012
Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?


Member Since: November 13, 2010 Posts: 0 Comments: 6620
134. SVLover
2:32 PM GMT on February 15, 2012
Kind of active around here lately! Didn't feel the Oregon one, but that is a decent size trembler there.
Member Since: October 29, 2006 Posts: 0 Comments: 3318
133. gingyb
12:38 PM GMT on February 15, 2012
hmmmm Thats getting close, did you feel anything in Reno lately?
Member Since: June 28, 2009 Posts: 2 Comments: 1553
132. RenoSoHill
5:31 AM GMT on February 15, 2012


Watching out for the Wunderfriends along the Oregon coast 6.0 quake 160 miles off the coast
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
131. gingyb
12:40 AM GMT on February 15, 2012
Okay everyone just keep the wildlife and moving earth out your way. I will keep the rain and land slides.
Member Since: June 28, 2009 Posts: 2 Comments: 1553
130. SVLover
11:50 PM GMT on February 14, 2012
Quoting RenoSoHill:
Lori-Hope that wasn't the bear that you thought has been in your area!


Nope not a bear this time - a mountain lion. :)
Member Since: October 29, 2006 Posts: 0 Comments: 3318
129. Ylee
10:40 PM GMT on February 14, 2012
Hi! I want to wish everybody a Happy Valentine's Day, and remember, tomorrow is half-price candy day!
Member Since: February 3, 2011 Posts: 94 Comments: 15773
128. RenoSoHill
10:06 PM GMT on February 14, 2012
Lori-Hope that wasn't the bear that you thought has been in your area!
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
127. RenoSoHill
10:05 PM GMT on February 14, 2012
Member Since: December 12, 2009 Posts: 7 Comments: 10951
126. SVLover
5:57 PM GMT on February 14, 2012
Quoting Railheel:
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."





LOL
Member Since: October 29, 2006 Posts: 0 Comments: 3318

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About fishless

Just a little blog to ramble on about anything. Would appreciate light-hearted comments and information about you for your friends to see.

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