Extravaganzo

By: earnestp , 5:11 PM GMT on October 31, 2012

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Man o man! Ill be glad if I see November! Tonights Verns big, annual, only once a year, Halloween Extravaganzo! Mabel said shes pickin me up at eight, and Lord have mercy, I dont wanna go! I told her I couldnt find no costume at Lems this year, but she said thats alright, I could wear the Santy Claus outfit I had last year, and she was gonna sew up a Mrs. Santy Claus outfit! She said that way I can get some good practice bein her husband! That there is scarier than a whole truckload of zombies, know what I mean?

I told her I didnt want to be around her mean ol sister, that shed try to put me in the hospital again, but Mabel said she got my back! That was what I was afraid of! If she got my back, and her sumo rasslin sister got my front, Id be like a weenie in a hydraulic press, know what I mean?

Anyway, I better get out of this mess somehow! Usin that ebay, I sent off all my 8 track tapes and Verns elephant painting for enough wampum to get me outa here for a long time, but them North Koreans aint sent me no check yet! Anybody out there got any ideers? Im afraid Im gonna be a gettin my mail from the groundhogs by the end of the week, know what I mean?

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8. WunderAlertBot (Admin)
11:50 PM GMT on October 30, 2013
earnestp has created a new entry.
7. Barefootontherocks
8:09 PM GMT on November 22, 2012
Thankful to be Together on this fourth Thursday of November.

Happy Turkey Day, earnestp.

Can you put Humpty together? - click and drag pieces.





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Member Since: April 29, 2006 Posts: 151 Comments: 18415
6. earnestp
8:14 AM GMT on November 15, 2012
Im still alive, thank the Lord above! Boy howdy, I thought I was a goner, thats for sure! Mabel and her crazy water buffalo lookin sumo rasslin sister were pretendin to make a wish, with me as the wishbone! I seen my whole life a flashin before my eyes, know what I mean? I dont think Ive ever been that scared before!

Just about the time when I was started prayin real hard, good ol Auntie Nelda come a bustin in through the door with a double barreled shotgun and put a slug through the ceilin! She told them pachyderms to let go of me real quick or someones gonna be eatin some lead! They did too, though it kinda hurt cause I was three foot off the ground when they let go! I got up real quick and hightailed it outa there, with Nelda providin cover! Last thing I heard was Mabel a hollerin out fer me not to leave, that she loved me and shed take good care of me! Boy, she must think Im some kinda special stupid, know what I mean?

It wasnt too good a sight after I left, I was told! The Lee sisters got ina big ole fight and commenced to knock most of the house down! They called the law, and one a them Barny Fife wunnabees tried to tazer Vern's wife in the beehind, and them thingys just bounced right off! Good thing that boy could run fast! Them police officers figgerd that as long as they weren't hurtin nobody else, that it be best just to letem be! Wasnt much lefta Verns house after it was all over, though! Poor ol Vern scooped up Killer and got some clothes and hightailed it outa there at some point. Ain't seen him since, and I ain't sure if hes a comin back or not. Caint say that I blame him, know what I mean?

Ive been holed up at Unk Wylie and Auntie Neldas the past cuppla weeks! I just come over here to my shack to get my stuff and get back over there to Unk Wylies, cause they believe in the second amendment and know how put it to good use, know what I mean?

Unk says hes gonna give me some money and let me use his old Nash and hightail it outa the county, maybe start over somewhere new where its safe! I figgerd Ill go where theres plenty of junk I can get cheap where I can sell it on ebay! Ill know next time not to sell it to them North Koreans, know what I mean? I know I got shafted, but mebbe all them 8 track tapes will start a revolution over there! Maybe Obama can make me the Secretary of State, although bein a secretary is womans work, know what I mean?
Member Since: September 30, 2011 Posts: 4 Comments: 36
5. earnestp
2:33 AM GMT on November 01, 2012
This is Vern. I'm hiding in my bedroom closet! The last time I saw Earnest was when my wife had him by the legs and her sister had him by the arms in a tug-of war. It was not a pretty sight!

I know I should've made an effort to help him, but what could I do? They have me beat by about 450 pounds! I think I'll try to sneak out while they are preoccupied, and take a long, long, drive. I hear Galveston is nice this time of year!

Well, I hope he makes it! He's a good sort, when he wasn't helping himself to everything I owned! Oh, well.....
Member Since: September 30, 2011 Posts: 4 Comments: 36
4. calpoppy
2:29 AM GMT on November 01, 2012
I hope you make it out of the extravaganzo in one piece!!!!!
Member Since: February 18, 2008 Posts: 52 Comments: 3660
3. weatheringpoints
1:29 AM GMT on November 01, 2012
Member Since: February 26, 2008 Posts: 13 Comments: 2028
2. earnestp
1:17 AM GMT on November 01, 2012
I reckon thaings aint goin so good! Mabel and her sister the sumo rassler is in the livin room next to the punch with the eyeballs in it a arguin about ME! Mabel is sayin that Ima sweet kind and considerate feller with a good heart, and Sumos sayin that Ima no good piece of trash! Im glad I found Verns eye phone so I can give you the play by play from Verns bedroom closet!

Im hearin more hollerin and breakin stuff! This aint good, know what I mean?
Member Since: September 30, 2011 Posts: 4 Comments: 36
1. earnestp
11:53 PM GMT on October 31, 2012
Mabels a bangin on the door! I guess Id better go to the extravaganzo! Mebbe I can sneek out sometime while shes at the apple bob!
Member Since: September 30, 2011 Posts: 4 Comments: 36

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About earnestp

I aint who I is, but I aint who I aint, either!