Let's lighten the day

By: Proserpina , 2:27 PM GMT on October 10, 2012

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A little quip can lighten the day



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Laughter is an instant vacation.
~Milton Berle

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If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.
Yogi Berra

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Life is like an onion. Why is life like an onion? Because you peel away layer after layer and when you come to the end you have nothing.


Please make someone happy with a clean quote, a clean cartoon, a clean joke, etc. Thank you.



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82. Ylee
Hi, Pros! Hope you feel better soon!
Member Since: February 3, 2011 Posts: 92 Comments: 15376




Hope you are feeling better than this guy....

Member Since: March 25, 2007 Posts: 250 Comments: 9335
LOL Aqua! That's funny!

When we visited Syracuse the birthplace of Archimedes and the place of what must have been an interesting street event, I looked for him, really hoping that I'd get a chance to see the great man's bod! But no, no naked ghosts running in the streets.

Yes, I am keeping an eye to the weather but have not done any preparing yet. After yesterday's long day and today's head cold, I just do not have the energy to move off the sofa. But if anything really is coming this way I'll make sure that we are prepared.

I love you my Aqua.

Dear friends, I will respond to your post as soon as I am feeling better.
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
hi mom! everything is so happy and relaxed here, I see many posts that make me smile.
But goodness- I can't let your son see the story of Eureka- you KNOW what will happen!

So I HATE to say this, maybe I should just whisper?

(watch the weather)

love you!!!
Member Since: August 13, 2005 Posts: 163 Comments: 25771
I certainly you hope you are having a beautiful day up there. Ours is the kind of doy one would like to have year round.
I've been trying to get my reading list together and came across one I read last winter. Wonder if you have read her. Marina Fiorato. The one I have is "The Botticelli Secret". I enjoyed it & am thinking of ordering "The Glassblower of Murano" for some of my winter reading.

Gotta get off this thing & start putting some lunch together...enjoy your afternoon









Member Since: March 14, 2006 Posts: 46 Comments: 1424
Good Morning, (((Pros)))

It's your long lost WU pal, Mass.! LOL! Sorry, I've been AWOL these past few weeks, but there have been so many increasing demands of my time it's hard to keep up.

Hope you, hubby and family are doing well and are able to enjoy some of the better weather around your way. Thankfully, as of this am, most computer models show T/S Sandy heading out to sea rather than reaching any of the Eastern Shorelines. There's one pesky model showing her heading towards Washington, DC, but I'm hoping it will join the others heading away and avoid us all completely.

I've got to head out again to do some grocery shopping and pick up some printer ink. I go through the black ink like crazy while printing out my F-I-L's schedules for this and that as well as our own essential projects. I'm hoping I'll have the energy to make it to Thanksgiving. Hard to believe but it's slightly less than a month away! Where does the time go???

Big hugs to you, Kat, Alley and all our other dear WU friends who wander in and post here. Sorry I can't post individually to everyone just now, but I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best!
Member Since: June 21, 2006 Posts: 62 Comments: 7605
76. Ylee
Something my grandma used to say, when she was fighting off a sneeze:

"Mmmmmm mmmm mmmmm! My nose itches! Somebody's a'comin' with a hole in his britches!"

If my grandma burped:

"Excuse a lady pig!"

Hope you are having a good day!
Member Since: February 3, 2011 Posts: 92 Comments: 15376




Member Since: March 25, 2007 Posts: 250 Comments: 9335
Good morning,

Someone sent me this and I thought it was really funny, so I have brought it to your blog.


PINK CURTAINS
A Blonde goes to Sears to buy curtains.
She says to the salesman,
'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.'
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains
He shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having a hard
time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.
The blonde promptly replies, 'Seventeen inches.'
'Seventeen inches?' asked the salesman. 'That sounds very small, what
room are they for?'
The blonde says, 'They aren't for a room, they are for my new computer
monitor.'
The surprised salesman replies, 'But Miss, computers do not need curtains !'
The blonde says, 'Hellllooooooooo .... mine has Windoooooows.......'

Happy Tuesday
Member Since: October 29, 2005 Posts: 289 Comments: 26026
Oh, the car's fine. The only thing it needed was a tire rotation - it doesn't even have 5,000 miles on it yet! Here's what happened. You know how these new cars leave their lights on after you get out - a convenience and a courtesy? Right. I'm not used to it yet, and when I left the car last night after a trip to the grocery, I assumed the lights that were on were the courtesy lights. Uh - not so much. I'd left the actual headlights on. Battery - kaput. But it turned right over after AAA did their thing and I did my long-distance errands to let the alternator charge it up. All should be well now - as long as I remember to turn off the headlights. Live and learn.

I went to early vote today, and stood in line for over an hour. The poll workers said there were people there at 8 a.m. and it hasn't slowed down all day. Interest is high, shall we say. ;)

ADD: from this evening's tweet-fest...

Presidential poll update: 4.5% Obama, 4.5% Romney, 91% Stop Calling Me Or I Swear I'll Get a Restraining Order
Member Since: October 4, 2004 Posts: 205 Comments: 15288
Shore, that's a horrible way to start the day! So sorry. Hopefully AAA will be there in a timely fashion.

Redskins? They squandered away their lead and lost! I am furious with them but not surprised.

You do not need prompting from me but I'll say it anyways, please make sure that your car is in great shape before you start for your vacation/trip.
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
Trust me. No matter how bad you day gets, I already have you beat. It all started with being unable to find my cell phone. It took an hour to find it. I used to be able to just call the number from my house phone, but now I've discovered the real downside of going purely cellular. You can't ring up the danged thing!

Then, I went out to start my day. It's easier when your car starts. It's my fault - I know exactly what happened, and I know who is responsible for the dead battery. AAA is on the way,and soon I'll be on my way.

Anyhow, thought I'd say hi while I'm waiting for a reset on my day! I haven't a clue how the Redskins did - I hope they won!
Member Since: October 4, 2004 Posts: 205 Comments: 15288
Morning to you and welcome to a new week.
Grey and miserable here, with a forecast of the temperatures dropping each day as the week progresses, giving a chilly weekend to come! Winter draweth on!

Have a good Monday.
Member Since: October 29, 2005 Posts: 289 Comments: 26026
He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. ~Harry Kalas, on Garry Maddox, 1981


He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs. ~Torvald Gahlin
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
Good afternoon from sunny VA. Beautiful day, a little breeze, lots of sunshine, the trees have turned color and are just beautiful.
I decided that we should eat breakfast out this morning so we did. Nice little outing. I then took Koko for her meandering walk, stopped next door to give treats to the Beagles and keep them company for a little while. One of them almost bit off my fingers as he went for the treats! He meant no harm. Of course last night they were naughty, barked until 11:30 when I called the person in charge of taking care of them and left a message on her machine. A nice one actually. Within minutes she came to take care of the problem. Fortunately today their mom returns. What a dog week it has been!

Dear me, I see that my school memories of Pecado de omision (they do not capitalize titles in Sp.)stirred some thoughts and emotions. That's wonderful! If I were in the classroom I would be ecstatic that my students responded with their own opinions and interpretation. And that's what literature is all about Ylee, individual interpretations! So your thoughts and assessment of the story is just fine with me as is the thought that says that not educating a child is wrong. And what an interesting thought Shore brings, did the cousin offer to defend the cousin? After all it was an accident, the shepherd did not intentionally kill the uncle. And Sandi, you are right, that story has some very heavy themes.

GG, thank you for the sweet photo. It makes me want a kitten right now! But I have decided to give Koko her one and only feeling in her old age. I have a friend in Michigan who is a foster mother for kittens, she posts photos of the kittens on Facebook and I fall in love with each and every one of them. My granddaughter just named one of them, a black kitten whose name is now Pepper. I guess this makes me Pepper's grandmother!

Sandi
, so now I know how popcorn was invented! Love that graphic! And the joke, I did not expect that end, lol. Good jokes and thank you. I have a question, are you behaving? No physical activity right?

Shore
, your plans sound wonderful. You sure do know how to turn what could be a tedious visit into a learning enjoyable trip. I know that we will see lots of beautiful photos and read lots on interesting stories. I wonder what you are cooking up with the visit to the cemetery in Oklahoma. Wishing you a wonderful and safe trip. I really admire your spunk, imagine hiking the trails in Kansas. Should you meet Dorothy or Toto, please give my regards to them.
As to closes, always think and dress in layers!

Ylee, I truly appreciate your input and of course it is a valid conclusion/interpretation. There are so many real personal stories out there... My mom was an orphan, lost her mom when she was a few weeks old, and her father before she was two. One side of the family totally abandoned the baby. They blamed my grandfather for 'taking their daughter away to the USA where she contracted the TB that killed her", ergo it was HIS fault that she died. The paternal grandparents took the baby and raised her but they were very old and it was their 13 year old daughter (mom's aunt) who actually took care and raised the baby. My mom loved her aunt and considered aunt Anna her mom. Mom instilled in her own children the love and respect for the aunt who raised her. Aunt Anna died at the age of a 100 just a few years ago. I went to see this aunt about ten years ago to thank her for taking care of mom and to let her know how much I loved her.
Yes Ylee, mom was grateful to those who took the orphan and raised her. By the way, grandpa died from his wounds contracted during WWI but as a decorated hero, he left behind a pension for the child so she was financially independent but she did need the nurturing of her kind paternal family.

Rob, so today must be your second day of Autumn. Enjoy!

I just realized that the Redskins game has started, see you later. Hopefully I will be in a good mood by the end of the game. My up and down Skins drive me nuts.
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
Here's the question about the story - did the lawyer brother volunteer pro bono services to the shepherd brother? LOL

Here's a true funny story. I was looking at the weather, trying to figure out what sort of wardrobe would be appropriate for my upcoming trip. This time of year, the range between Kansas and coastal Texas can be large, so I pulled up the forecasts for towns where I expect to be.

One of those is Hugo, Oklahoma. I pulled it up, and looked at the long-term forecast. SNOW!
Not only that, a 70% chance of snow the very time I'm planning to be there, with a possible accumulation of one inch. WHAT? I knew I'd put this trip off too long. ;(

While I was doing the mental inventory, I decided to take another look. In its wisdom, WU had given me the forecast for Hugo, Minnesota. I was saved - no snow forecast for Oklahoma!

I'm leaving on Wednesday, and will be gone for - well, about a week or ten days. It depends on how this and that works out. I do have some great plans for Kansas - a fellow who's a third cousin of the wife of a blogger I follow happens to be a docent at the Konza Prairie, and is going to meet me there one day to hike the trails. I'm just thrilled. I'll be stopping by the Tallgrass Prairie Preserve, too - along with Council Grove and Cottonwood Falls. Lots of fun to be had, including a stop at a very special Oklahoma cemetery - no hints on that one until I can share the photos, though!

I love the sunning popcorn! That's truly funny. Hope your day is fun, if not funny. I've got lots to do, and hope to get it done soon enough to teach myself how to burn a road tunes CD. I've managed to learn how to turn youtube videos into mp3s, so now there's just the matter of getting them on the CD!
Member Since: October 4, 2004 Posts: 205 Comments: 15288
Here is the awwww cute pic of the day;

Member Since: March 25, 2007 Posts: 250 Comments: 9335
Broken arms, killings, ungrateful nephews...

I thought this was the "lighten up" blog? It has become very heavy, so let's lift everyone's spirits a little!




A priest was visiting an old lady in her home. She offered him coffee and they sat down in the living room for a nice chat.

After a while the man saw a bowl of peanuts at the side table. He asked the old lady if he could have one. She said, "Of course, help yourself".

After a little while he took some more and she just smiled.

"I am eating so many of your peanuts, I hope it is OK".

She answered him:

"Eat them all if you want! I cannot chew them with no teeth so I have just sucked of the chocolate on all of them".

Happy Sunday!
Member Since: October 29, 2005 Posts: 289 Comments: 26026
64. Ylee
Forgive me for overreacting, but in my opinion, the nephew should have been thankful the uncle took him in and gave him a piece of bread! I have not read the book, so I do not know if the uncle had the means to educate both boys or not, that of course would make some difference!

True story: As a young boy of 9, my grandfather's father passed away. His mother gave him up, as well as all but one sibling, so she could marry someone else! He boarded with a farmer, and worked the fields until he broke his arm, at which time the farmer threw him out of the house! Fortunately, a cousin took him in, and he stayed with him until he was grown!

Like I said, I haven't read the story, but the nephew should have been thankful he had a chance to survive!

Not very light, is it? :)

Hope you're having a good weekend!
Member Since: February 3, 2011 Posts: 92 Comments: 15376
Officially the first day of Autumn for me!
Have had the air off and windows open all day.
Even with the bright sun beating down and having to replace a fuel injector on Angie's car this afternoon I've barely broken a sweat!

Lovin' it!
Member Since: September 2, 2008 Posts: 96 Comments: 31793
ycd, 'lie by omission', you reminded me of the years when I taught AP Spanish Literature. One of the short stories that we read was 'Pecado de omision' (Sin by/of of omission)by Ana Maria Matute, a Spanish author. Each time that this story came up, I had the hardest time to get the point across that a sin (a lie) can be committed by neglecting to do (or say) something. In the case of 'Pecado de omision', the sin was to give an orphan a piece of bread but not an education. The man, the uncle, took in the orphaned boy, gave him a piece of bread and sent him to the mountains to become a shepherd. On the other hand the uncle gave his own son an education, he became a lawyer. Many years later when the cousin came down from the mountains he shook hands with his cousin. Two hands met one refined and the other rough and worn out by hard physical work. In a moment of clarity, the shepherd picked up a stone, threw it at his uncle and killed him. The uncle's sin? That of omitting to educate his nephew. Bread alone is not enough!

So glad that someone, you, understands the concept.
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
Yes Pros:
That story was part of my "growing up". Mom would only lie by omission, normally, and I guess that's where I learned the skill.
Visited my cousin in an "institution" some years ago and wondered how staff tell who stays and who gets to wander out into the whirl.
"But I'm feeling much better now"
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A little humorous and so very true:

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working with one.
Bill Gates

If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.
Yogi Berra

Good morning Janet.

ycd, is this a real story? There is a lot of sanity in our asylums. "I always did like liars but you suit me too well!" What a lovely tactful way to call someone a liar! Love it. Thank you for your delicious post.

GG, same answer as the one I posted for ycd. "I may be crazy but I'm not stupid". Perfectly said.

Kat, another good mental hospital joke. Having emotional problems is not the same as being stupid or devoid of humor. Good one Kat!

Rob, glad that you like the Beagles. I do too but not when they keep me up in the wee hours of the morning. They are out this morning, barking a little but only to intruders who want to pet them. There is a electric fence and the dogs cannot get out but young neighborhood kids bother the Beagles sometimes.

We have a lovely sunny day, a bit chilly but not uncomfortable. Have a wonderful day and rest of the weekend.
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
I was going to say "Good Morning" but I have now worked my way into afternoon, so "Good Afternoon"

We are also have a wonderful Fall day. I'm hoping it will stick around for a few more days but I hear it will not. Too bad.
Member Since: March 14, 2006 Posts: 46 Comments: 1424
Following Kat's and GG's:
Mom was Nursing night shift in an "asylum" and a patient asked her for a cigarette. Staff were told not to give this person cigarettes because she would light the smoke and swallow it.
Mom lied: "I'm sorry, I don't smoke."
The lady stepped back and said:
"I always did like liars but you suit me too well!"
Member Since: Posts: Comments:




Following Kats joke, a man gets a flat tire outside of a mental hospital. One of the inmates takes an interest in his plight and watches through the fence.
Well after a lot of cursing the man gets the tire and jack out of the car. Finds a spot to put the jack and lifts the car up. Next he tries to take the lug nuts off the tire but being up in the air the tire spins and he can't get the nuts off.

The inmate speaks very calm and politely through the fence; "Excuse me sir, if you lower the car back down you can take the nuts off much easier. Then you can raise the car back up and pull the tire off."

The stranded motorist follows these directions, puts the nuts on the ground behind him and all goes smooth until he steps backwards and kicks the wheel nuts into a deep storm drain followed by echoing sounds of small metal objects splashing into water.

Once again the inmate speaks very calm and polite; "Sir, if you take one nut off of each of the other wheels you can attach the spare and drive to your dealership to get a new set."

The motorist says, "Wow, you are really good at solving problems, why on earth are you in a mental hospital?"

The inmate replies; "I may be crazy but I'm not stupid".
Member Since: March 25, 2007 Posts: 250 Comments: 9335
Hmmm...I don't know what happened to that last post..it disappeared. I'll do it differently.
********************************************

HOW I LEARNED TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS


I was walking past the mental hospital
the other day, and all the patients were
shouting "13...13...13."
The fence was too high to see over, but I
saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked
though to see what was going on.
Someone poked my eye with a stick! Then they
all started shouting "14...14...14."

Member Since: December 24, 2007 Posts: 0 Comments: 4959
Yep, they are cute.
Just really happy that you were able to take a negative and turn it into a positive experience.
Member Since: September 2, 2008 Posts: 96 Comments: 31793
Rob, join the oops club!

Here are my buddies:

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They are sweet, aren't they?
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
No, had no Eurekas yesterday. Just an oops or two.
Member Since: September 2, 2008 Posts: 96 Comments: 31793
Hi Ylee, there is no doubt that I will never be a lump! See that foot sticking out of my mouth? That's what keeps me from being a lump!

I like your philosophy, better a fool that a dull goodie goodie! Oops! There goes another foot in my mouth!

Happy Thursday to you.
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
51. Ylee
Hi, Pros! Glad you got the beagle situation lined out! One beagle is loud enough, but two together are always looking for mischief! :)

Whitewabit has a new avatar, and the title to it is the old classic line "It is better to keep your mouth closed and have people wonder if you are a fool, than it is to open your mouth and remove all doubt." I say, sometimes it's more fun to open your mouth and make a fool of yourself, than it is to keep your mouth closed, and be a lump! :)

Hope you have a good day today!
Member Since: February 3, 2011 Posts: 92 Comments: 15376
GG, I am ROLF! Great signs. The first one applies to Koko and me to a tee! The second one is really funny and true! Ironic but so realistic.

You do find great humorous images. Thank you.

Happy Thursday to you.
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101

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Huh?
Member Since: March 25, 2007 Posts: 250 Comments: 9335
Member Since: March 25, 2007 Posts: 250 Comments: 9335
Good morning. After hearing on the news that Newsweek will no longer be published, hubby and I had a scintillating conversation about paper and the changing world. I was making some points about how paper for the use of printing books/magazines/newspaper will eventually be a thing of the past since everything is being digitized. Hubby responded with "Don't worry, toilet paper will never be digitized"! And so we start the day, he he.

As per email conversation, the Beagles were kept inside last night and I finally got some sleep. Blessed be the computer era!

Hubby is getting ready for a gold date and I will be painting today. I actually have a class today, Italian, but I will be skipping it for health reasons.

Oh no Skye! So sorry about the end of the beautiful story! The kittens did what their nature tells them to do, actually there is a different kind of lesson to be learned from the demise of the baby squirrel. Somehow Aesop's fables came to mind.....

Hi Rob. Yes, the Beagles were kept inside last night and I finally got to sleep. Yesterday afternoon I took my Bichon over to socialize with the doggies. I played with the Beagles, and Koko, my aged doggie, was happy marking someone else territory. I will try to do the same today as I know that the Beagles are very lonely.
Any Eureka moments yesterday?

Kat, did you mean to leave your post blank? It is nice to see your icon even without a message.

Good morning Patti, have you recovered from your adventurous trip?

As my DIL says, carry on!
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
46. Skyepony (Mod)
Oh how the day goes..that endearing story turned too dark for a children's book as Shadow finished her hunting lessons with the kids today. I've learned my lesson about letting her Mother them:)
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Ahhh, Beagles!
That explains a lot.

Cute little boogers, but never figured out how such a big noise could come from such a small dog. They don't seem to need much reason either. Might be missing their family.

Happy that it was resolved peacefully, and wishing you a good night's sleep.
Member Since: September 2, 2008 Posts: 96 Comments: 31793
Member Since: December 24, 2007 Posts: 0 Comments: 4959
:-) bright and good morning to you too darling
Member Since: July 10, 2005 Posts: 122 Comments: 1503
LOL Patti! And good morning.
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
One day I just let my mind wander and just it didn't come back!
So now I must wander about the land and maybe one day I will find it.
I came back home this week from looking westward... just to check if it popped in to Mississippi, but nope, it is not here so I plan to go across the land again in a different direction.

Morning to all of you!!
Member Since: July 10, 2005 Posts: 122 Comments: 1503
Thank you Skye.

What a wonderful story about the your kids, the cat, and the baby squirrel. My first thought is to suggest that you write a children book with this story as the theme. I find it endearing!
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
39. Skyepony (Mod)
pros~ The world needs more neighbors like you:)

LOL, cats raising babies.. My kids had been trying to trap a squirrel for a week, so Monday our cat brought them a baby one~ alive, unharmed. I think she was trying to finish off their lessons in hunting.
Member Since: Posts: Comments:
Thank you for the morning laughs Rob and GG! And do I need the the levity this morning!

Sandi
, good morning. So sorry that the dogs' barking reached your area! I am not surprised though, I think they woke up the dead at the cemetery about half a mile away! Seriously, sorry that you forgot the meds. Maybe you can get a little nap today. You have not said anything so I am assuming that you do not have side effects from the pain killers. Unfortunately pain killers make me very sick with nausea.
You know, I have the same question about the cat in the amphora (the pot reminds me of Greek wine and oil containers called amphora), how did she get out?


The dogs finally went quiet at about 3am or a little later. Of course by then I was so riled up that I could not get any decent sleep.

I did do something smart! After I wrote my last note above at 1am, it occurred to me that my neighbor might be following her emails no matter where she is (wonderful new world!), so I wrote her an email telling her about the problem and with a suggestion. She did read my email and did respond twice! She got in touch via email of course, with the caretaker of the dogs and told her to bar the trapdoors at night so the dogs can't get out. I have the same permission as well so if the caretaker doesn't come around I will 'help out'. Problem solved and I never called the animal control on the poor doggies. They are cute and they love to play with me but these are the loudest Beagles I have ever encountered!
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101


Member Since: March 25, 2007 Posts: 250 Comments: 9335
I think your barking dogs woke me up at 1am, too. Actually I think it was my own fault! I awoke in some pain and discomfort due to forgetting to take my pain meds at 9pm.
So I got up, had a glass of milk and then took them, before returning to bed.

Hope you got some sleep.

Love the video of the cat in the pot! One question? Did it get out, or was a hammer required! lol

Member Since: October 29, 2005 Posts: 289 Comments: 26026
Eureka!

A fat stickman would be called a logger!
Member Since: September 2, 2008 Posts: 96 Comments: 31793
Shore, how I wish I could take the two dogs next door and put them in that pot! It is one am and they are still barking non stop. I have been wearing earplugs but they are so loud and so close to my bedroom window that I hear them despite the earplugs. Where is the owner? In Europe! I just do not have the heart to call the police, I just cannot do it to the cute loud dogs.

I do like the video a lot and yes, I am smiling.
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101
Member Since: October 4, 2004 Posts: 205 Comments: 15288
Oh you poor thing! You listened for 90 minutes? Wow! I went downstairs for a few minutes, listened to an attack and the response. I started applauding, hubby almost killed me. It is safer up here! Yes, most of the time we cancel each others vote!
Member Since: May 6, 2008 Posts: 169 Comments: 18101

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About Proserpina

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. Isaac Asimov