Global warming unthaws warrior mermaids and mermen frozen during last ice age

By: Dr. Jeff Masters , 12:49 PM GMT on April 01, 2010

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Global warming has unthawed an entire race of warrior mermen and mermaids in the Arctic, scientists revealed today. At a packed press conference in Boulder, Colorado, Dr. Mark Xyzzy of the National Institute for Cryosphere Exploration and Tertiary Research on Yetis (NICETRY) revealed the details of the discovery: "We've been operating robot research submarines under the sea ice in the Chukchi Sea north of Barrow, Alaska this winter, as part of International Geophysical Year studies on the dynamics of arctic sea ice loss," commented Dr. Xyzzy. "Last week, one of our submersibles caught a remarkable video of a warrior mermaid, armed with a trident, riding past the submarine on the back of a narwhal. We were able to track the mermaid to her home--an underwater merfolk city at the bottom of the Chukchi Sea. The city had been thawed out in 2005 by warm water currents invading the Arctic due to global warming. These mermaids and mermen had been frozen into the underwater permafrost since the onset of the last ice age, 115,000 years ago. We undertook immediate efforts to establish communications with the merfolk, by sending in divers with underwater writing boards who were able to work out a simple symbol-based language. We learned that the Chukchi Sea merfolk are at war with a tribe of rival merfolk in the Greenland Sea. The two tribes have been fighting a heated underwater battle for dominance of the Arctic Ocean ever since global warming thawed out both tribes in 2005. It is the explosions from their undersea battles that have been the dominant cause of arctic sea ice loss since 2005, not global warming, as had been previously assumed. A team of experienced United Nations negotiators is now in the Arctic, attempting to broker a truce between the rivals and save the arctic sea ice from further destruction."


Figure 1. Merfolk negotiator Urgok Nzgradborkan and an exhausted U.N. diplomat take a break after a grueling all-night round of peace talks.

Critics of climate change science immediately pounced upon the news to unleash a new barrage of criticism against the National Intergovernmental and Territorial Panel to Investigate Climate Change (NITPICC). "The computer climate models used by the NITPICC utterly failed to anticipate the record loss of arctic sea ice due to underwater explosions from merfolk battles," commented spokesman Markoff Chaney of the Very Competitive Free Enterprise Institute. The Institute maintains of staff of top-notch scientists who swear that their funding from the fossil fuel industry does not affect the objectivity of their science. "This new "mermaid-gate" scandal proves that we can't trust climate models to say diddly-squat that's right about global warming, nah-nah-na-nah-nah!" taunted Chaney.

The head of NITPICC, Dr. R. J. Donteventrytopronouncemylastname, conceded that his organization had some work to do. "We're working very hard to incorporate the effect of underwater explosions from merfolk sea battles into the NITPICC models," said Dr. Donteventrytopronouncemylastname. "We've also begun to explore the impacts on sea ice should other denizens of the Arctic unthaw. For instance, the possibility exists that plesiosaurs from the time of the dinosaurs may be frozen in the underwater arctic permafrost. Should global warming thaw out these great leviathans of the deep, the turbulence from their swimming motions could cause significant cracking and breakup of the sea ice. We now have a new plesiosaur parameterization module built into our top models to account for this possibility."

Dr. Xyzzy of NICETRY commented, "I applaud NITPICC's efforts to incorporate their Underwater Merfolk Battle Module and Plesiosaur Parameterization Module into the climate models. However, I caution that they might also need to build modules to simulate the effects of astrology, thermography, ice-nine, and the warming effect of hot air coming out of Washington politicians, before critics of the NITPICC models will be satisfied."

April Fools!

Internet radio appearance today
I'll be appearing with San Francisco-based wunderground meteorologists Shaun Tanner and Tim Roche on The Daily Downpour Internet radio show at 4:20 pm EDT today, to talk about weather, hurricanes, and climate change. There will not be the opportunity to call in today. No foolin'!

Jeff Masters

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Quoting stillwaiting:
sorry if i "offended anyone",just hav'n a little fun,not try'n to get anyone upset:)


i think your heart was in the right place for funnin on the day of fools. too many earthquakes lately, too many people lost.
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Think anybody got banned? (:

The Christian Science Monitor, Horizons
Top five online April Fools' pranks
By Matthew Shaer / March 31, 2010

April Fools' Day has been around at least a couple of centuries, but in recent years, it's become a favorite holiday of web-savvy pranksters, who every April 1 set out to hoax, tease, or otherwise bewilder nerds across the globe. From upside-down streaming video and helicopter hotels to a Desktop Zero-Point Infinite Power Generator, here's a look at some of our favorite digital April Fools' pranks.

• On April 1, 2008, Google and Virgin joined forces for an April Fools' prank of epic proportions. In a promo emblazoned across the Google search page, the two companies unveiled "Virgle: The Adventure of Many Lifetimes." Virgle, Google promised, would ensure the colonization of the planet Mars. Motto: "Things will get better, eventually."

• Forget that boring old poke feature. In 2007, Facebook rolled out a functionality called LivePoke, which promised to dispatch a real person to poke a friend of your choice. Unfortunately, LivePoke was limited to the first 100 users in any given network. No word on how all that poking played out.

• In 2004, the very real website ThinkGeek began selling a very fake Desktop Zero-Point Infinite Power Generator, which harnesses the "seething abundant energy" of the universe, and cranks out 120 Volts of electricity. "ThinkGeek recommends you drain the unit's non-volatile waste chamber once every three months, and dispose of the tritium/deuterium slurry at a licensed disposal facility," ThinkGeek's promo copy notes. Sound crazy? "We've had people e-mailing us from all over the world telling us they were very interested in it," ThinkGeek buyer Scott Smith told Wired.

• Last year, an advertisement for the "Hotelicopter" hit the web. "The Hotelicopter features 18 luxuriously-appointed rooms for adrenaline junkies seeking a truly unique and memorable travel experience," an advertisement promised. Consumers were invited to pre-book a 16 day tour of Europe in this "flying five star hotel." Not for the airsick.

• That same year, the UK paper the Guardian announced that it was eliminating its print edition – and going "Twitter-only." A Guardian spokesman said that the broadsheet would seek to reduce all of its back-catalog to 140-character blasts. "For example," the Guardian noted, "Martin Luther King's legendary 1963 speech on the steps of the Lincoln memorial appears in the Guardian's Twitterised archive as 'I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by,' eliminating the waffle and bluster of the original."
Member Since: August 19, 2008 Posts: 32 Comments: 1918
44. I read that about the AREA of the sea ice also - but what about the depth and density of the ice - that sea ice will probably be gone in a flash if there is no substance to it - at first blush it appears to be very encouraging, and I hope it is, but it may be too early to hang a hat on this
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Quoting Speeky:


Hey, Wait a minute

knot phunny atoll sounds like
not funny at all!

I don't know what you are talking about. Nope, knot atoll.
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Quoting jeffs713:

Its all real. The mermen are attacking, and they set off the 9.1 quake in the GOM near the Knot Phunny atoll chain, causing the atolls to sink into the sea.


Hey, Wait a minute

knot phunny atoll sounds like
not funny at all!
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Quoting auburn:



Is that a fish swimming by my window outside??
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We have initiated the TUNNEL Network in the GOM to offset the Approaching Tsunami..

Chevron Reports that Dolphins and Mako Sharks are Riding the Tsunami Crest Northward..as well.

We've just Upgraded to DEFCON 3.

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102. auburn (Mod)
Quoting TampaSpin:


Dang you are a MET! Now, do we want to know how you decide about Global Warming......OH KNOW!.....LOL


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Quoting Speeky:
How come this sounds like a Hoax to me?

Is this real or fake? I have to know!

Its all real. The mermen are attacking, and they set off the 9.1 quake in the GOM near the Knot Phunny atoll chain, causing the atolls to sink into the sea.
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This is NOT an April Fools Joke!! North Texas is under the gun for Fr, Apr 2, 2010:
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Quoting Ossqss:


Thanks for embedding that visual in my head,,,,, the tutu was not enough >>> (☼¿☼)




:)

I second this comment. Now where did I put the brain bleach to remove that image from my brain?
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How come this sounds like a Hoax to me?

Is this real or fake? I have to know!
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Quoting auburn:
If ya strip down naked and wet yourself down and then run outside you can tell what way the wind is blowing also...just by what side gets the coolest first...try it...it works good...and the neighbors all seem to like it too...they all come out to watch most times


Dang you are a MET! Now, do we want to know how you decide about Global Warming......OH KNOW!.....LOL
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96. auburn (Mod)
Quoting Ossqss:


Thanks for embedding that visual in my head,,,,, the tutu was not enough >>> (☼¿☼)




:)


Hehehehe...sorry Doc!
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Quoting auburn:
If ya strip down naked and wet yourself down and then run outside you can tell what way the wind is blowing also...just by what side gets the coolest first...try it...it works good...and the neighbors all seem to like it too...they all come out to watch most times


Thanks for embedding that visual in my head,,,,, the tutu was not enough >>> (☼¿☼)




:)
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Quoting StormChaser81:


No its in the Gulf of Mexico.


Thanks Storm. I can never get them right atoll!
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Is it just me or is the Negotiator Guy in the Docs Pic above using a cell Phone?
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91. auburn (Mod)
If ya strip down naked and wet yourself down and then run outside you can tell what way the wind is blowing also...just by what side gets the coolest first...try it...it works good...and the neighbors all seem to like it too...they all come out to watch most times
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sorry if i "offended anyone",just hav'n a little fun,not try'n to get anyone upset:)
Member Since: October 5, 2007 Posts: 20 Comments: 4970
Quoting Drakoen:


Recurvature is when storms go out to sea. The CFS (Climate Forecast System) is a climate model that goes out months ahead. The anomalously higher precipitation suggests much wetter conditions in the Caribbean; I associate this with an increased frequency of storms in the Caribbean as tropical cyclones bring higher than normal precipitation to regions that the traverse over.
Thanks seem like we might be in for a rought seasons
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Quoting TampaSpin:


A rather bad April fools joke....but, its all good i guess.......WOW! You had everyone going to my website to the earthquake section.....how funny.
I can find the price of tea on your sight. :)
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Quoting tornadodude:


if this is an april fools joke, its not that humorous
I was worried for a second, then I realized it is April 1.
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Quoting Chicklit:
Last time I posted an off-weather-topic video I was banned for 5 days. So watch out, the joke may be on you!
One thing I know for sure; I'm not clicking on any unfamiliar links today.
This is Trolls' Day Out.


Could youy post it again? I must have missed it the first time.
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Quoting stillwaiting:
oh sh*T....rueters reports a 9.1 quake just off the yucatan....possible tsunomi reports...


A rather bad April fools joke....but, its all good i guess.......WOW! You had everyone going to my website to the earthquake section.....how funny.
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Weekend Outlook Posted:
South Florida StormWatch
(main site)
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Last time I posted an off-weather-topic video I was banned for 5 days. So watch out, the joke may be on you!
One thing I know for sure; I'm not clicking on any unfamiliar links today.
This is Trolls' Day Out.
Member Since: July 11, 2006 Posts: 14 Comments: 11198
hey is this the same day anna pop up???



and this one am not jokeing about
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Soon we'll be seeing Big Al using this data from "real scientists" to bolster his hopes of being a "green" billionaire. But of course AGW is true & he's more to prove it!
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i have a suggestion can we watch on what kind of april fools joke we play you could all so get banned from the blogs if you say the worng thing



so i would be care full on what kind of jokes you say
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To the USMC and Naval forces who Stormed ashore April 1st,Easter Sunday 1945 in the final Battle of WW-2 in the Pacific,The Battle of Okinawa.

A Heartfelt Thank you.

For My Dad,Gone 7 years now...March 20,2003
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Quoting Grothar:


Aren't those a chain of islands in the Pacific??


I think so, and they might be that chain that is %50 below sea level
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Quoting Patrap:
61.

Knot Phunny atall..,




Aren't those a chain of islands in the Pacific??
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It is april 1st so lets not be so......gulable;)
Member Since: October 5, 2007 Posts: 20 Comments: 4970
Quoting TampaSpin:


Dang Grothar....i would have post the theme from youtube but, i'm sure i would have got banned again!


Looks as if the theme song may be appropriate for the upcoming hurricane season!!!!! What do you think?
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Quoting stillwaiting:
oh sh*T....rueters reports a 9.1 quake just off the yucatan....possible tsunomi reports...


That's not even funny...
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Invest 94S

Rainbow Image




All NOAA Floater Imagery
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Quoting ackee:
could u explain any simplier what is recurvature and CFS what does all mean us here in the carrbbean


Recurvature is when storms go out to sea. The CFS (Climate Forecast System) is a climate model that goes out months ahead. The anomalously higher precipitation suggests much wetter conditions in the Caribbean; I associate this with an increased frequency of storms in the Caribbean as tropical cyclones bring higher than normal precipitation to regions that the traverse over.
Member Since: October 28, 2006 Posts: 57 Comments: 29936
No Quake...

for certain..USGS Zoomed to Yucatan
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Quoting stillwaiting:
oh sh*T....rueters reports a 9.1 quake just off the yucatan....possible tsunomi reports...


Link?
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Quoting stillwaiting:
oh sh*T....rueters reports a 9.1 quake just off the yucatan....possible tsunomi reports...


Not the best choice of an "April Fools Joke"!!!!
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Quoting stillwaiting:
oh sh*T....rueters reports a 9.1 quake just off the yucatan....possible tsunomi reports...


if this is an april fools joke, its not that humorous
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61.

Knot Phunny atall..,


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Quoting Patrap:
Imagine oneself in a Blog entry,..surrounded by Facts and figures.


Suddenly one sees a Figure Approaching, no its not Beyonce,..its the number 9.

You see another behind it approaching as well.

Its the Number 5.

In between the two is a walking X for multiplication.

One has the number's and the clue.

Post the answer here,if you dare.

Remember,one has entered, "The GW Zone"
















You forgot the music!! Happy April Fools Day everyone!!

img src="" alt="" />
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Quoting Drakoen:
The CFS forecast for anomalously well-above average precipitation in the Caribbean suggest less recurvature. Here's the CFS forecast from June 2005 for the A-S-O period of 2005 and the observed conditions below it:

could u explain any simplier what is recurvature and CFS what does all mean us here in the carrbbean
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Jeff co-founded the Weather Underground in 1995 while working on his Ph.D. He flew with the NOAA Hurricane Hunters from 1986-1990.