Global warming unthaws warrior mermaids and mermen frozen during last ice age

By: Dr. Jeff Masters , 12:49 PM GMT on April 01, 2010

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Global warming has unthawed an entire race of warrior mermen and mermaids in the Arctic, scientists revealed today. At a packed press conference in Boulder, Colorado, Dr. Mark Xyzzy of the National Institute for Cryosphere Exploration and Tertiary Research on Yetis (NICETRY) revealed the details of the discovery: "We've been operating robot research submarines under the sea ice in the Chukchi Sea north of Barrow, Alaska this winter, as part of International Geophysical Year studies on the dynamics of arctic sea ice loss," commented Dr. Xyzzy. "Last week, one of our submersibles caught a remarkable video of a warrior mermaid, armed with a trident, riding past the submarine on the back of a narwhal. We were able to track the mermaid to her home--an underwater merfolk city at the bottom of the Chukchi Sea. The city had been thawed out in 2005 by warm water currents invading the Arctic due to global warming. These mermaids and mermen had been frozen into the underwater permafrost since the onset of the last ice age, 115,000 years ago. We undertook immediate efforts to establish communications with the merfolk, by sending in divers with underwater writing boards who were able to work out a simple symbol-based language. We learned that the Chukchi Sea merfolk are at war with a tribe of rival merfolk in the Greenland Sea. The two tribes have been fighting a heated underwater battle for dominance of the Arctic Ocean ever since global warming thawed out both tribes in 2005. It is the explosions from their undersea battles that have been the dominant cause of arctic sea ice loss since 2005, not global warming, as had been previously assumed. A team of experienced United Nations negotiators is now in the Arctic, attempting to broker a truce between the rivals and save the arctic sea ice from further destruction."


Figure 1. Merfolk negotiator Urgok Nzgradborkan and an exhausted U.N. diplomat take a break after a grueling all-night round of peace talks.

Critics of climate change science immediately pounced upon the news to unleash a new barrage of criticism against the National Intergovernmental and Territorial Panel to Investigate Climate Change (NITPICC). "The computer climate models used by the NITPICC utterly failed to anticipate the record loss of arctic sea ice due to underwater explosions from merfolk battles," commented spokesman Markoff Chaney of the Very Competitive Free Enterprise Institute. The Institute maintains of staff of top-notch scientists who swear that their funding from the fossil fuel industry does not affect the objectivity of their science. "This new "mermaid-gate" scandal proves that we can't trust climate models to say diddly-squat that's right about global warming, nah-nah-na-nah-nah!" taunted Chaney.

The head of NITPICC, Dr. R. J. Donteventrytopronouncemylastname, conceded that his organization had some work to do. "We're working very hard to incorporate the effect of underwater explosions from merfolk sea battles into the NITPICC models," said Dr. Donteventrytopronouncemylastname. "We've also begun to explore the impacts on sea ice should other denizens of the Arctic unthaw. For instance, the possibility exists that plesiosaurs from the time of the dinosaurs may be frozen in the underwater arctic permafrost. Should global warming thaw out these great leviathans of the deep, the turbulence from their swimming motions could cause significant cracking and breakup of the sea ice. We now have a new plesiosaur parameterization module built into our top models to account for this possibility."

Dr. Xyzzy of NICETRY commented, "I applaud NITPICC's efforts to incorporate their Underwater Merfolk Battle Module and Plesiosaur Parameterization Module into the climate models. However, I caution that they might also need to build modules to simulate the effects of astrology, thermography, ice-nine, and the warming effect of hot air coming out of Washington politicians, before critics of the NITPICC models will be satisfied."

April Fools!

Internet radio appearance today
I'll be appearing with San Francisco-based wunderground meteorologists Shaun Tanner and Tim Roche on The Daily Downpour Internet radio show at 4:20 pm EDT today, to talk about weather, hurricanes, and climate change. There will not be the opportunity to call in today. No foolin'!

Jeff Masters

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More comparisons to 2005...

CFS Forecast for May:



Sea-level Pressure Anomalies in May 2005:



CFS Forecast for August:



Sea-level Pressure Anomalies in August 2005:



April 1st, 2010 SST Anomalies:



April 2nd, 2005 SST Anomalies:




Member Since: November 24, 2005 Posts: 635 Comments: 26543
POT!!! As I run out of the blog...tee hee, nice timing! Tell Rob to re-open his blog; it's Spring for pete's sakes!

ADD: Excellent, Dude -- glad you're having fun.
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Quoting AwakeInMaryland:
Bob, sounds like a GREAT show -- a little scary, but lots of cheap thrills.

T-Dude -- LOL, so the BBC has a sense of humor! If I was a penguin, I'd want to be a tropical snowbird, too!

No comment on Butler? The neat IN underdog story?

Okay, I don't want to make the crickets start on the blog... think I'll try to get a little work done. Verizon is p-o'ed at me because I never activated my new phone...kind of fun to antagonize them, but I have a feeling I'll be the one to pay the price...


haha yeah, I thought that video was great!

and yeah, definitely go Butler! I was in Indy last saturday for the Indiana High School state championship game, which my high school won by 3 points in overtime!

and there were so many people with Butler attire!

hopefully I can score some tickets to the games ;)
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heheheheheh, looks to me like the good Dr. has been reading too many posts by people like RTLSNK, theShepherd, ORCA, RobDaHood and stuff!
Good day to all!
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Bob, sounds like a GREAT show -- a little scary, but lots of cheap thrills.

T-Dude -- LOL, so the BBC has a sense of humor! If I was a penguin, I'd want to be a tropical snowbird, too!

No comment on Butler? The neat IN underdog story?

Okay, I don't want to make the crickets start on the blog... think I'll try to get a little work done. Verizon is p-o'ed at me because I never activated my new phone...kind of fun to antagonize them, but I have a feeling I'll be the one to pay the price...
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Quoting Ossqss:
133, If ya have admin rights, you may be able to slide IE7 under their security template radar :)

One for the road -- L8R :)

The Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time
As judged by notoriety, creativity, and number of people duped

Already tried that with IE8 and Firefox. no dice.
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Quoting AwakeInMaryland:
BOB! Jesus, Mary, Joseph and Moses! Quite an Easter-Passover week of weather for you!


This is very, very normal for us. We have an average of 25-30 severe thunderstorm warnings and or tornado warnings issued every spring season.

Last week Wednesday, we had our first bout of severe weather in the DFW Metroplex. We had lightning hit the top of our neighbors tree, shook the entire house. Of course, the tree started on fire, but 3 minutes later God put it out with a torrential downpour, and one heckuva lightning/thunder display, with almost no wind to speak of. That lasted on/off from 6:40PM-10PM that evening!
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Quoting AwakeInMaryland:

On the "bizarre" scale, I'm thinking yours beat ours out. After all, we do have a huge snowstorm about once a decade and we do have pretty springs...except when we go straight to humid disgusting frizzy hair-days. Triple huge snows here was a bit debilitating, tho.


Yes TX Weather "plays in a league all its own"! In the TX Panhandle it was between 90-95F yesterday and who knows, it might snow on Easter!!
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BOB! Jesus, Mary, Joseph and Moses! Quite an Easter-Passover week of weather for you!
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The joys of Spring 2010 in Tornado Alley USA! Tomorrow's weather forecast for W Central TX:

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Quoting Bordonaro:

Wow, an early Spring "heat-wave"?? After the 6 feet of snow that fell in your neck of the woods, I betcha enjoying your weather!

We went from a half of inch of snow, temps near 32F last Saturday, to sunny and 85F here yesterday!!

On the "bizarre" scale, I'm thinking yours beat ours out. After all, we do have a huge snowstorm about once a decade and we do have pretty springs...except when we go straight to humid disgusting frizzy hair-days. Triple huge snows here was a bit debilitating, tho.
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Quoting AwakeInMaryland:
Bob, 71F now and gorgeous, supposed to go up to 75.
Tomorrow, about the same...
Easter Sunday, about the same...
G-d willing and the creek don't rise!

Wow, an early Spring "heat-wave"?? After the 6 feet of snow that fell in your neck of the woods, I betcha enjoying your weather!

We went from a half of inch of snow, temps near 32F last Saturday, to sunny and 85F here yesterday!!
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Bob, 71F now and gorgeous, supposed to go up to 75.
Tomorrow, about the same...
Easter Sunday, about the same...
G-d willing and the creek don't rise!

Whoops, I got a day ahead of myself...Sat. in the 80's...Sun, rain/t-storms maybe. Not a bad run, though!
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Quoting AwakeInMaryland:

Always the gentleman...even today...what's up your sleeve, c'mon, give! (:

My left and right arm!! ha, ha, ha!!How is your weather in MD today? We here in the DFW area are enjoying Pt Sunny skies, a stiff S wind at 20-35 MPH and temps reaching for 80F by 4PM CDT today!!

Tomorrow, we will pay with severe thunderstorms, the joys of Spring in Tornado Alley!!
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133, If ya have admin rights, you may be able to slide IE7 under their security template radar :)

One for the road -- L8R :)

The Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time
As judged by notoriety, creativity, and number of people duped
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Quoting presslord:
got it...thanks...

Interesting way for Google, Inc and Topeka, KS to get a little publicity!!
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Quoting Bordonaro:


Google is going to offer a US city its newest high speed internet service. Topeka, KS wants to be the first city to receive the upgrade, so it named itself "Google, KS" for 30 days. In turn, "Google, Inc" has temporarily named itself "Topeka"!!

Always the gentleman...even today...what's up your sleeve, c'mon, give! (:
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got it...thanks...
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I did...I just don't get it...
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Quoting presslord:
OK...somebody please explain the "Topeka" thing to me...


Google is going to offer a US city its newest high speed internet service. Topeka, KS wants to be the first city to receive the upgrade, so it named itself "Google, KS" for 30 days. In turn, "Google, Inc" has temporarily named itself "Topeka"!!
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Quoting tornadodude:


haha hey! and yeah, I can work on that one ;)


I'll leave it in your capable virtual hands, then.
So which school did you decide on for yourself (not B-ball, lol) for now?
Was and/or IS all of Indiana joyous about Butler? That's a good story!

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Quoting presslord:
OK...somebody please explain the "Topeka" thing to me...

just go to google
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OK...somebody please explain the "Topeka" thing to me...
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Quoting AwakeInMaryland:


I think it's a funny double-gag...but then, I'm easily amused.

Welcome back around, TDude -- your team held up pretty well for a long while -- Duke, what a monster. Can we start an April Fool's Day joke that the entire team has H1N1 without getting banned AND sued?


haha hey! and yeah, I can work on that one ;)
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Quoting twhcracker:


google has a good april fool joke today :)

A couple of the guys think it's lame -- so we're both easily amused, I guess! Happy April Fool's Day! :)

ADD: Nice one, Pat. Toto's cuzin Taz is romping around in my avatar!
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Quoting Ossqss:


I know, I just upgraded yesterday on the business laptop. I had to leverage the IT department to do so. Most sites have abandoned IE6 as of today. They finally figured it out (when they could not access several resources they used) and let us do it. I feel your pain :)


Yep. They set out a guideline to have IE8 as our standard for 2010.. but who knows when we will get the upgrade. (they will likely have to update our computers... they are THAT old)
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Quoting jeffs713:

Its all real. The mermen are attacking, and they set off the 9.1 quake in the GOM near the Knot Phunny atoll chain, causing the atolls to sink into the sea.


google has a good april fool joke today :)
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Quoting tornadodude:


Topeka renames itself Google for a month



Link


I think it's a funny double-gag...but then, I'm easily amused.

Welcome back around, TDude -- your team held up pretty well for a long while -- Duke, what a monster. Can we start an April Fool's Day joke that the entire team has H1N1 without getting banned AND sued?
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Quoting jeffs713:

Something on the pcworld link is causing my IE to crash. (save the comments about me using IE6... I've already thought of them)


I know, I just upgraded yesterday on the business laptop. I had to leverage the IT department to do so. Most sites have abandoned IE6 as of today. They finally figured it out (when they could not access several resources they used) and let us do it. I feel your pain :)

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.."Were definitely not in Google anymore Toto"..

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Quoting Drakoen:
The CFS forecast for anomalously well-above average precipitation in the Caribbean suggest less recurvature. Here's the CFS forecast from June 2005 for the A-S-O period of 2005 and the observed conditions below it:



I'm surprised that there are actually some below-normal rainfall shading along the Florida Panhandle coast during June 2005 considering Arlene had traversed that area during that time period. I suppose the remainder of June must have been dry for that area.
Member Since: September 7, 2008 Posts: 17 Comments: 1604
Quoting Ossqss:
Top 10 April Fools' Day Fake News Items for 2010

Ya wonder how many folks got hit with the Youtube TEXTp resolution item. LoL

Youtube - April Fools Joke 2010

Something on the pcworld link is causing my IE to crash. (save the comments about me using IE6... I've already thought of them)
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Quoting StormChaser81:


You would think with all those bright minds and lots of money they could come up with better joke than topeka, LAME.


Topeka renames itself Google for a month



Link
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Texas forgot how to swim
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Quoting NEwxguy:
Anyone see the Google april fool's joke?clever,but not that funny.

Yeah, its disappointing. My company has a better one up on our internal home page.
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The SOI Daily values are really spiking, up to +15.21 now.
Member Since: November 24, 2005 Posts: 635 Comments: 26543
Quoting NEwxguy:
Anyone see the Google april fool's joke?clever,but not that funny.


You would think with all those bright minds and lots of money they could come up with better joke than topeka, LAME.
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Top 10 April Fools' Day Fake News Items for 2010

Ya wonder how many folks got hit with the Youtube TEXTp resolution item. LoL

Youtube - April Fools Joke 2010
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Oh it's healing
bang, bang, bang
I can hear your cannons call
You've been aiming at my land
Your hungry hammer is falling
And if you want me
I'm your country

I'm an angel bored like hell
And you're a devil meaning well
You steal my lines
And you strike me dumb
Come raise your flag upon me

And if you want me
I'm your country
If you win me,
I'm forever
Oh yeah

'Cause you're the storm that I've been needing
And all this peace has been deceiving
I like the sweet life
and the silence
But it's the storm that I believe in

Come and conquer and drop your bombs
Cross my borders
and kill the calm
Bear your fangs and burn my wings
I hear bullets singing

And if you want me
I'm your country
If you win me
I'm forever

'Cause you're the storm that I've been needing
And all this peace has been deceiving
I need some wind to get me sailing
So it's the storm that I believe in

You fill my heart
You keep me breathing
'Cause you're the storm
that I believe in

And if you want me I'm your country




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Anyone see the Google april fool's joke?clever,but not that funny.
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.."I thought for sure the Mermen would be taller for some reason"..
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Oh I forgot what day it is sorry to ruin your phun!

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114. beell
102.
that ain't funny, Auburn.
;-)
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Oh wow I am dumb I looked at my calender and I forgot what day it is!

Good one Dr. Masters

Although you forgot to mention the aliens are attacking Mars

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
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112. auburn (Mod)
I am selling a new line of weather tools if anyone is interested...this one is my best seller!!!
img src="My new 125Holeinground Rain detector...made by Shovel Inc " alt="" />
Member Since: August 27, 2006 Posts: 546 Comments: 50505
Quoting jeffs713:

I don't know what you are talking about. Nope, knot atoll.


All I am saying is that it sounds very science fiction...ish

I need distinct proof before i can believe this and this is just not good enough

nope knot atoll
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Quoting stillwaiting:
sorry if i "offended anyone",just hav'n a little fun,not try'n to get anyone upset:)


i think your heart was in the right place for funnin on the day of fools. too many earthquakes lately, too many people lost.
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Jeff co-founded the Weather Underground in 1995 while working on his Ph.D. He flew with the NOAA Hurricane Hunters from 1986-1990.

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